


Getting By

by theterriblethingabouttulio



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack, Scars, Trauma, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theterriblethingabouttulio/pseuds/theterriblethingabouttulio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ft Overwhelmed Inquisitor Aziel Lavellan™ and his boyfriend who tries to help but doesn't know what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw anxiety, the Gays™

“Damn it all!” Aziel burst into the room he had begun sharing with Dorian – that is, Dorian’s room – and slammed the door behind him. Dorian was lounged on the bed, reading, but he looked up when his lover entered.

“What is it, amatus?” he asked. “You look upset.”

“Yes, I look upset, I am upset.”

Seeing that his usual sarcasm was unhelpful in this situation, Dorian sat up, setting his book aside. 

“Come, sit,” he beckoned, smoothing the bed beside him. “Tell me everything.”

Aziel paced instead to the window, staring out for a moment. Dorian waited in patient silence until the dark-skinned elf turned to him, face distraught.

“I can’t do it, Dorian,” he said. “I can’t lead them. I never wanted to! I was just a spy at the Conclave who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never asked for this! I don’t want it!”

Dorian stood, approaching his beloved with gentle eyes. “Aziel,” he murmured. “No one expects you to shoulder this alone.”

The Inquisitor pulled away. “I don’t want to shoulder this at all.” He finally met Dorian’s gaze. “I want to run away. I want to find somewhere to hide and let Cassandra, Leliana, and Cullen save the world. There are thousands out there, millions, who are doing just that. Except they’re putting their faith in me, some ‘knife-ear’ who just so happens to be half-decent at bullshitting his way through globally important decisions!”

As he spoke, Dorian wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on the elf’s.

“No one thinks that, you know,” he said. “Well, maybe some, but their opinions don’t matter.”

Aziel barked a laugh. “Don’t they?”

“I wasn’t done. They crowned you Inquisitor for a reason. You can’t bullshit your way through leading an army. You know who follows you? The best of the best. You may be able to fool the peasant-folk who don’t know better, but Cullen? Cassandra? I think not.”

Momentarily placated, Aziel sighed and leaned into Dorian.

“I shouldn’t be here, Dorian.” Suddenly, his body heaved a sob. “And now my clan is gone, and I don’t have any place to go back to.”

“You do, amatus. I am your home.”

Aziel pulled away. “You’re just a man, Dorian.”

“A man who loves you.”

“Is that enough?” He whirled, tears running down his face. “Is love enough to keep the world from being ripped apart? Can our love keep either of us safe? Alive?”

Dorian stepped away from him, hurt tainting his expression. “What does that mean?”

Aziel immediately knew he’d said something wrong. His breath caught, then came quickly. His hand went to his chest, pulling at his shirt, heart pounding. Gasping, he fell into Dorian, who managed to catch him despite their distance. 

“Aziel?” 

“I can’t- I can’t- I can’t –”

“What is it? Tell me what’s wrong?” Dorian’s voice grew frantic as he lowered the man to the floor.

“Breathe,” Aziel gasped. He clutched at his chest. His armor was suddenly heavy, suffocating him. He clawed at it, hurling his chestpiece away. Dorian’s hands started flying, undoing buckles and straps until Aziel’s chest was unburdened, his own hurt almost – but not quite – forgotten. Dorian heaved his lover into his arms, taking him and lying him on the bed. 

Their door started to open, Cullen’s voice calling, “Inquisitor?”

Dorian’s shoulder slammed the door shut before the commander could see. “Not now!” he said, more harshly than he intended, but his mind was on other matters.

Aziel had curled into himself on the bed, and he had stopped breathing. It was as though he could build up enough pressure within his body to make the stress leak out of him. His hands clutched his head, eyes closed. Dorian fumbled. He didn’t know what to do, how to help. Even his pet name felt empty, inconsequential.

Is that enough? The words rang through his mind again. He went to Aziel’s side, hand resting gently on the elf’s arm, gazing at him with insurmountable love and worry.

Yes. It was enough. It had to be.

Then he saw the scars lacing Aziel’s back, paler than the rest of his skin and raised. A sudden rage twisted within him. An anger at whatever had hurt his love, at Corypheus for creating the Breach putting him at the head of the Inquisition, at any human who had dared call him knife-ear, anger at himself for being unable to protect the only man he had ever given his heart to.

“Amatus,” he whispered. And then he waited.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian comforts Aziel after his anxiety attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still playing the game and I haven't finished Dorian's romance but I'm trying to portray him as authentically as possible. Please be gracious.

It was almost an hour before Aziel was calm. Like an infant, he had tired himself out and lay, breathing evenly and gazing into nothing. Dorian lay behind him, body pressed against Aziel’s, eyes closed with a hand on his arm, thumb stroking gently. He replayed their conversation in his head again and again. He tried to believe that it was just the stress talking, but his own experience and self-doubt made him want to push Aziel away, but he couldn’t. 

Selfish, he thought.

Aziel sighed heavily, rolling over and facing Dorian, but his eyes were closed. Dorian placed his lips gently on the Inquisitor’s forehead.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly.

Aziel’s eyes opened and he stared at the hollow of Dorian’s throat. “I don’t know.” Expecting more, Dorian remained quiet. 

“It’s all going to come back again,” continued Aziel, his voice…empty. “The war, the decisions, the judgement…”

“Not today,” said Dorian. “You are not well. Your advisors can take care of the Inquisition. You need rest. You need to be here…with me.”

Closing his eyes once more, Aziel pushed his head under Dorian’s chin. “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. Of course you’re enough. My love for you is the only thing I’m certain of. Even if we kill ourselves fighting this damn war… I hope your face is the last thing I see.”

Dorian couldn’t help but grin. “Lovers’ suicide? And here I thought I was the romantic.” Aziel almost smiled, and a silence fell between them. He wanted to ask about the scars. They’d slept together before, but this was the first time he’d seen the elf without his shirt on. Of course, he’d wanted to ask, but he always ended up thinking with his dick before his mind could formulate the proper question. His penis was minding its own at the moment, but he could tell it wasn’t the right time.

“I adore you,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Aziel’s forehead once more. They were in for the night.


End file.
